A Very Madlib Christmas
by Lt. Basil
Summary: The cast of Kingdom Hearts are holding a Christmas Pageant! But what happens when Ven and Sora are put in charge of the script and casting? Comedy, mayhem, and Vanitas strangled in swaddling clothes. And things get even worse when Riku and Axel are forced to sing a duet. Crackfic, AU. No flames. Now a multi-chap.
1. My Friend Butchered the Nativity Story

**A/N: Merry early Christmas, everyone! This is my first Christmas work that I've ever written for fanfiction (yay!), and my first full-blown AU, so… yeah… The script for the play is a madlib of the nativity story that my youth group came up with on our yearly Christmas party, hence the name. And… please, no one be offended. This is purely for fun; I'm not bashing anyone or anything here. I'm a Christian myself – I love the Christmas story, always have, but what's the fun in being so stiff-necked about everything in the Bible? Let's go have some fun with it!**

**If you're easily offended by religious thingies, then maybe you shouldn't read this. I mean no offense whatsoever, but… some people miiiiiiight take this the wrong way.**

**Enjoy and review!**

_Chapter 1: My Best Friend Butchered the Nativity Story_

Christmas. The best time of the year, filled with joy, laughter, and all around goodwill (not to mention my mom's special chocolate fudge – yummy!). Simply magical, isn't it? It's a time of family, music, lights, and stories by the fire. My favorite is the story of the Christ child from the Bible – called the Nativity story at church. It brings to light my favorite memories. But best of all is –

"Riku! Riku, get up! They're passing out parts for the pageant at church today!"

…definitely _not _my baby sister waking me up at 6 AM every Sunday after Thanksgiving.

Groaning, I rolled onto my back, rubbing my eyes sleepily. Opened a crack now, I saw a pair of cerulean eyes peeking down at me, lit by a sunny smile that only appeared during the last month of every year. Black hair partially covered a pale, doll-like forehead. "Ngh?" I mumbled, kicking my legs out in a weak attempt to push her off. "Gerrof. Lemmego bacca sleep…" Pulling my blanket over my head, I rolled over again and shut my eyes. The next moment, a sudden cold and the sound of fabric hitting the carpet made my eyes jerk open. "Whazza big ideeea?" I grumbled, turning a bleary glare my sister's way.

Xion stuck her lip out in a pout. "Come _on, _Riku, it's the big day today! Pageant day, remember?"

"We don't hafta be there for three hours," I whined. "Can't I sleep in?"

"Nope!" Xion grabbed my arm, trying to pull me off of the bed. I resisted, seizing the headboard with both hands and holding tight. And here's where being the captain of RGHS's basketball team came in handy – my arm strength was _much _greater than my sister's. She couldn't have pried me out of bed if she'd brought along a crowbar. Of that, I was grateful – unfortunately, she had… other methods of getting me up.

One of the most annoying things about having a little sister is that she always knows how to get to you. It's even worse if you're a boy, like I am – I have yet to figure out how a girl's brain works, and I've had to live with Xion for over fifteen years. So of course, she just _had _to play this card – the cruelest trick that she had up her sleeve. Yep. She tickle-attacked me.

"H-hey, stop it!" I shrieked, unwittingly rolling sideways off the bed, hitting the ground with a _thump! _Cackling evilly, Xion wiggled her fingers against my sides, fighting off my thrashing limbs with practiced ease. "G-get off me, Xi!" I yelped. She ignored me. "Fine, fine, you win! I'm up, I'm UP! I'll ge-get ready, sheesh!" Immediately, she stopped, a look of triumph crossing her face.

"Well then… let's get started," she said sweetly.

"I hate you," I muttered.

XXX

"Alright everybody, settle down." Aqua held up her hands, trying to calm down the group of chatty teenagers congregated in the youth room. She was the youth pastor's personal assistant and the most responsible of all of the Twilight Friend's youth, so of _course _she'd be in charge when Aerith wasn't there. I guess she was pretty, with large blue eyes, a smooth, flawless face, and a shock of hair she'd dyed bright blue, but she was a senior. WAAAAAY out of my league. Besides, she was a little… stiff-necked, sometimes.

I refused to sit with my little sister during Sunday School. It's not that I think I'm too cool for her, or anything – but she hung out with Roxas and Axel. I didn't like them. Roxas was always moody, constantly sulking or scowling about something, and Axel was a punk. And I mean a _legit _punk. He'd been suspended a couple of times for various reasons; swearing at teachers, vandalism, even a couple of fights. The only thing he wasn't confirmed doing was drugs, surprisingly. Worst still, Xion idolized him. My overprotective big brother instincts made me a little… tense about that. Mom said that I shouldn't be so quick to judge him, said he came from a rough background, and I guess she was right, but… still… easier said than done.

My friends, Sora and Kairi, were much better behaved than those two were. Kairi was a member of the student council, an honors student with enough points as a freshman to make it into the thespian club, and a member of the school's leadership program. She was a future valedictorian, I was sure of it. Sora was… well, he was a goof. But he meant well – he had the biggest heart out of everyone I knew. Not like his beast of a brother, Vanitas… but more on him later.

"Hey guys, will you SHUT UP?!" Aqua's friend Terra roared. Silence fell. One of the junior boys, Zexion, looked up from the _Advanced Human Bio _textbook he had been reading. Yuffie and Demyx, both from my year, looked up from the laptop they had been gawking at previously to face the front. Aqua gave Terra a grateful look.

"As you know, the first Sunday after Thanksgiving is the day when Twilight Friend's yearly youth pageant parts and scripts are handed out," she began. "As you – also – know," she added seriously, "Aerith is on maternity leave right now, so I'm going to be taking over directing of the play this year. So let's get started. Sora, Ventus, can you hand out the scripts? You chose the play this year, after all."

Ventus, Roxas' identical twin brother (who honestly acted more like Sora, actually), grinned and produced a stack of papers from thin air. "Take one and pass the rest along." With that, the papers travelled through the group, starting with Kairi's sister, Naminé, and ending with me. As the scripts passed into my hands, I balked at the words on the page in front of me.

" '_A Very Madlib Christmas'_? What is this?" I turned to Sora, who smirked at me, azure eyes alight with mischief.

"Exactly what it sounds like," he replied. "Got that script online. Hayner, Pence and Olette did the honors of providing the words – Demyx and Yuffie, too." The two raised their hands, matching grins on their faces. Groaning, I sat back in my chair.

"You didn't," I groaned. "Tell me we're not doing some crazy, patched-together skit this year. This is going to piss everyone off _so _bad, Sora." I turned to him in exasperation. He was still grinning.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" He slapped my back confidentially. "Look, we already have it figured out. Just give it a try, 'kay? Please?" I glared at him.

"Do I have a choice?" I mumbled. Across the room, Xion giggled. Soon enough, Roxas and Axel had joined in.

"Oh, that's genius," Axel snickered, pointing at something on the first page. "Did you come up with that one, Demyx?" The boy moved over to see what he was looking at. He smirked.

"Yep, that one was me!" he said cheerfully. " 'A Xigbar in Galilee'…" He laughed, a high, squeaky sound that resembled the squeak of a mouse. Oh yeah, I didn't like him much, either. He was annoying. Still, what he'd said sparked my curiosity. I flipped to the first page. My eyes widened.

"You can't put _Princess Bride _references in a Christmas Pageant!" I practically yelled. Xion stuck her lip out in a pout.

"But it's funny!" she protested.

"Funny?" I stared at her in disbelief. "The play is butchering the nativity story. We can't do this!" I slapped the script for emphasis, then, pausing, flipped to the next page. "And you _definitely _can't use _Star Wars _and _Monty Python _references in this! It completely ruins the impact of the story!"

"Gee, thanks," Sora muttered. Aqua frowned. She turned to me.

"Sorry, Riku, but they did choose this play already. Besides, the little kids are still doing a normal pageant. Ours has always been mostly for fun, remember? Don't you remember last year's play?"

"Yeah!" Ven chimed in. "_All I Want for Christmas _was great! Roxas made an awesome jack-in-the-box!"

"I will _never _be able to live that down," Roxas groaned, his head dropping into his hands. "Never put Demyx in charge of casting again, please?" Axel patted his friend's back, muttering something that sounded like _I feel you, bro. _Ugh. The world's most whiny, annoying duo, on the job again. _Why _did Xion have to hang out with them?

"Come on, Riku," Kairi added irritably. "Sora helped pick this one out!" She grabbed the boy's shoulder for emphasis, causing him to tense up and blush furiously. She didn't notice. "Can't you at _least _do it for him?"

Three sets of puppy dog eyes were sent my way, one from Kairi, one from Sora, and one aiming at me from across the room in the form of my little sister. Great. No way could I stand up to _that _for too long – not even Axel could endure the "power puppy begging stare". Still, I resisted, standing firm for a few more moments before finally caving. Sighing, I threw up my hands. "Okay, you win. Fine. Let's get this over with."

"Great! " Ven and Sora both held their scripts up like banners. "Now, let's talk about casting." Ven turned to me, a wicked smile crossing his face. "Riku, you're Mary."

"WHAT?!"

**Haha, yes! **

**The reason that I have Riku playing Mary is because we had a boy playing her at the party, just for the fun of it. Okay… actually, he volunteered, but he did such a good job! It was hilarious. **

**This first chapter isn't as funny as I'd hoped that it would be. Oh, well. I guess I'm just unaccustomed to writing fluff. *sigh* just going to have to work on it.**

**Review!**


	2. A Shepherd Hits on my Sister

**A/N: Hi again, everyone! Merry Christmas Eve! So, this is no longer a 3-shot, as I said in the summary – though there shouldn't be any more than 5 chapters. It's not going to be very long. And I'll try to get this story finished before New Year's. Now that I'm not in school anymore, that is doable.**

**This chapter isn't that funny either! *bangs head on table*. WHY CAN'T I BE FLUFFY!? Anyway, read, review, and most importantly, enjoy! (And if you think I need to raise the rating, please tell me).**

_Chapter 2: A Shepherd Hits on my Sister_

"Next time I see Ven, I'm going to kill him," I mumbled, looking down at my feet as I trudged my way away from Mr. Ansem's psychology class. Sora fell into step beside me, clutching his textbook (titled "Nobody is a Nobody") for dear life. There was amusement on his face, however, as he listened to me rant. Roxas and Axel had taken a liking to teasing me about my role in the pageant, and now Sora's brother (Vanitas, costume manager – oh, joy! He gets to make me look like a girl!) was getting in a few jibes. Now, Sora didn't like his brother much, but even he couldn't hide how funny he found the entire situation. Some best friend _he _was.

"Remind me again why you chose to do a madlib for the Christmas pageant?" I grumbled to him as we passed by Demyx's girlfriend (Larxene – who cackled wickedly and called me a transvestite as we passed – darn that boy's big mouth). Sora shot her a quick glare (though it looked more like a pout, coming from him) before turning back to me.

"Hey, it's supposed to be funny, okay?" he said, sounding hurt. "We wanted to try something different this year."

"People are going to think that we don't take Christmas seriously!" I shouted, bringing multiple pairs of eyes to rest on the two of us, and causing Sora to droop. He fiddled with the string on his sweatshirt, a downcast look on his face.

"I'm sorry okay?" He seemed to be close to tears. I inwardly facepalmed. Great. I try to talk some sense into my best friend and end up hurting his feelings instead. What other joyful events were en route for me today?

"Look, I didn't mean..." I began.

"So whaddaya think? Will I make the cut?" I froze at the sound of the all-too-familiar voice, nearly dropping my books as I ground to a halt. Sora gave me a sideways glance, not seeming to have heard. Wordlessly, I turned around and pressed myself back against the row of lockers behind us. Sure enough, there he was, green eyes twinkling with mischief as he tugged on the towel that he had tied around his red-plaited head. Now, normally I wouldn't think twice about Axel making himself look like an idiot in public, but standing next to him was none other than Xion – who was gazing at him with huge, adoring puppy eyes. Axel was winking at her flirtatiously. "I make a pretty sexy shepherd, don't you think?"

"You're very handsome," she giggled, tucking a strand of her black hair behind her ear. Fuming, I felt myself automatically switch into Overprotective Big Brother mode (OBB, as Kairi jokingly called it – but to be honest, I've never found it that funny). Sora noticed my murderous glare and tried to hold me back, hissing a low warning to me under his breath. I ignored him.

"Hey, carrot top!" I called to Axel, stalking across the hall to face him. Both of them started, turning to face my icy-glared wrath. "I thought that towels were used for drying people off, not accessorizing circus acts!" Xion winced while Axel glared daggers at me. Nevertheless, he somehow managed to pull up a falsely friendly facade and grin at me.

"It's the latest thing," he said brightly, pulling off his makeshift turban with a flourish. "Towel-toting pyros and emo crossdressers." His smirk was pure evil and cruelty – he didn't even bother _trying _to shield the malice in his voice. Anger bubbled up in my gut, flushing my face a furious shade of scarlet.

"Why you - !" I started.

"Riku, stop it!" Xion protested. "He's just kidding, okay? Calm down." I scowled hard.

"I didn't choose that role, anyway," I mumbled, shooting Sora a reproachful look. He shrugged innocently and held up his hands. "Besides," I added, giving Axel my best deathglare. "Not all of us can buy everyone's good opinion." He froze, looking furious.

"You think that I _bribe _people into liking me?!" he spat. "Listen, buster, just because I can actually _make friends _on my own - !"

"Guys!" Xion interjected again. "Come on. Don't do this; it's almost Christmas."

"Yeah?" I spat. "Well, just 'cause it's Christmas doesn't mean that I'm going to stand by and let this _tramp – _." I jerked my thumb in Axel's direction, "...hit on you."

The result was instantaneous. Sora gasped and backed up; Xion looked as if I had just hit her; and Axel was looking at me as if he were considering the best way to tear me limb from limb. Too late did I realize my mistake... I clamped a hand over my mouth, but the damage had already been done. A crowd of people were already surrounding us, shouts of _fight! fight! _echoing through the air. Amidst that, my little sister turned and ran.

"Xi!" I reached out for her, but Sora held me back, shaking his head.

"Let her go," he said. "She's not going to want to talk to you for a while." Wilting, I let my hand drop to my side. From behind, I felt Axel's murderous gaze bore into me.

"Nice going, Riku," he snarled. "Go imply that your sister's a skank, why don't you. It'll take forever to calm her down." He turned away from me, seething. I hung my head.

"I was talking about _you,_" I ground out. "Not her." He paused before glancing back at me, fury in his serpentine eyes.

"Does it make a difference at this point?" he said contemptuously. "You're her brother. You're supposed to protect her, not make things worse." He turned away again. "I'm not even going to waste my energy beating you up over this. You're not worth the effort."

Never before had I ever felt so ashamed as right then.

XXX

My mood did not improve by the time practice rolled around that evening. Everyone knew what had happened. Deadly glares came from all around, even from Aqua and Terra, whom I was normally on good terms with. Xion and Axel wouldn't even look at me. Even Sora and Kairi were acting more distant than usual. I didn't blame them – any of them, really. I deserved whatever punishment that I got.

After a long period of awkward silence, Aqua stood up and cleared her throat. All eyes turned to look at her. She sighed heavily. "Normally we'd be starting practice right about now," she remarked, "but in light of today's events, we'll be changing things up a little." Two sapphire eyes bored into me. "Riku... Axel... Xion... I believe that there was a little... conflict at school today?"

"Riku called Axel and me tramps," Xion said sullenly.

"I didn't call _you _one!" I protested. "Just - !" I stopped. Everyone was glaring at me. _Smart, Riku, _I said to myself. _Real smart. Next thing you know, you'll be running through a lion's den with steaks tied to your arms and legs and a flashing neon sign that says, "Eat me, I'm Irish." It'd get about the same result. _"Actually... you know what? I'm just going to stop talking."

"That might be a good idea," Roxas growled. Was it just me, or did he look even angrier than he had the time that he was forced to play the jack-in-the-box from _All I Want For Christmas_? Perfect. I am _so _dead.

"_Anyway,_" Aqua continued, shooting Roxas a look, "The conflict could have been avoided if you two had some sort of an understanding of one another. Riku, Axel, you're both decent singers. I want you to do a musical number at the tail end of the pageant. That way you can learn to work together a little more."

"Wait, so you're punishing _me _too?!" Axel demanded. "That's not fair! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"This isn't a punishment!" Aqua said sharply. Both of us fell silent. More gently, she added, "Think of this as a learning opportunity. That number has to be ready one week before Christmas Eve, so you should start right away. Now, shall we begin?"

"Places everybody!" Ven shouted. "Let's get the ball rolling!"

As everyone rushed to their spots, Axel sidled up alongside me, an infuriated light in his eyes. "For the record," he said to me, "I blame you for this." And with that, he was gone.

"You keep thinking that, _punk_," I muttered under my breath. I shuddered. "This isn't going to be pretty."

**There we go! How you like? Tell me! The review button is your friend! Give him presents of reviews for this story!**


	3. I Attack a Terrorist with a Blanket

**A/N: Okay, so that update took WAY longer than it was supposed to :( Stupid writer's block... *commences head banging on the keyboard*. Grrr...**

**Luckily, the last two chapters are already mostly written out, so they shouldn't take **_**quite **_**as long. Hopefully. Though, the dreaded s-place is back in business, so I'll have less time to write/update *begins banging head again*.**

**Have any of you tried eating popcorn while typing up your stories? It's very calming, actually... don't know why... aah, the buttery goodness... 3 3 3**

**Enjoy this next chapter!**

_Chapter 3: I Attack a Terrorist with a Blanket_

For the next few weeks, Axel came by my house every day so that we could work out our sentence – err, I mean _musical number. _Mostly, it involved me yelling at Axel for some reason, or vice-versa. Xion found it absolutely hilarious; once, I even spotted her sneaking into the living room during one of our arguments, popcorn in hand. She forgave me for the incident after about two days of giving me the silent treatment. She never could hold a grudge for very long, bless her heart. Still... Axel being over all the time meant that I had to deal with him flirting with my baby sister... every single day. I didn't dare tell him to back off again. And since he refused to practice at his house, I had to grin and bear it... every single day. Brilliant.

The first week or so, we spent more time arguing over which song to sing than actually getting anything done. Axel had some... odd ideas (once, he suggesting singing _Baby it's Cold Outside, _which I obviously vetoed). We went through a whole list of carols, but there was always some type of complaint from him; he didn't know this one, that one was too long, that other one had a boring tune, et cetera. It drove me _insane._ Why couldn't he just agree with at least _one _of my suggestions? Or provide a decent example of his own that we could _both _work with? Ugh...

Dress rehearsals at church were the worst. I don't know what Christmas story Vanitas looked at to get his ideas for my costume, but it sure wasn't the one that _I'd _grown up with. Once, he brought in a bright red party dress, less than knee length with a low neckline. Now, I don't know about you, but I was _not _going to be caught _dead _in that thing! Nope. Not me – not if they paid me a billion dollars.

Anyway, Axel and Roxas found it hysterical, as did Demyx. Even Xion couldn't keep from chuckling to herself – that stupid punk seemed to have completely corrupted her. Grr... stupid, pyromanic punk. It took a long time to get Vanitas to select something that wasn't... absolutely weird... and their reactions _really _weren't helping. At all. Like, I was seriously starting to lose my cool... every time I went to practice.

School went by unbearably slowly. Classwork was piled on stories high, teachers assigned projects willy-nilly, and I had to struggle in Professor Vexen's stupid biology lab just to scrape a C. As usual, I clashed with Professor Xehanort in humanities and passed Professor Sid's history test with flying colors. Me and Axel get into more argument than we normally did, Vanitas mocked me and played pranks, and Larxene managed to keep taunting me about my part. Life was normal... err, normal-ish.

The last day of school before the holidays rolled around. My advisor, Professor Ansem (who was also my psychology teacher, go figure), had a party in his class – a white elephant gift exchange, plus _lots _of popcorn. Yuffie and I strung it on strings while Demyx cut out paper snowflakes. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Axel sitting in the corner with his head in his hands. Strange. Normally, he'd be the guy sneaking something into the eggnog, or standing on a table singing _Santa Baby _in a creepy male falsetto. It was a nice change.

The bell rang. Professor Ansem reminded us that our job shadows needed to be completed over break. I waved goodbye to Yuffie, slipped past Demyx, and walked out. Axel walked a few steps behind me, his head still down, and his hands stuffed into his pockets. I tried to ignore him. Whatever was going on, it sure as heck wasn't my problem. Why should I care if he was having a bad day?

But then I saw Xion approach him. Instantly, I had gone into OBB mode.

"Axel, what's wrong?" She placed a hand on his shoulder, which he swatted away. Her eyebrows furrowed. "Axel?" Cupping his chin, she forced him to look up. I recoiled. Axel's left eye was purpled, the bruise spreading down to his chin, and a half-healed cut had formed on his lip. Xion's eyes widened in alarm. "Axel, what happened?" He shrugged her off.

"Nothing," he snapped. She frowned.

"Has your dad been drinking again?" she asked, so quietly that I could barely hear. Axel flinched and glanced away, making my sister frown. "You said you'd tell me if he started up again! You promised, Axel!" Refusing to look at her, Axel turned to go. She grabbed his arm, holding him back. "Axel, how long has this been going on?"

"A month or so," he mumbled. "It's no big deal. I can handle it."

"Like heck you can," she growled. "And I suppose that's why you're staring fixedly at the ground as you tell me that?" Axel swore loudly, ruffling his hair as he did so. I cringed. And it was right then that the duo noticed me.

"Do you make a _habit _out of spying on us?!" the redhead nearly screamed, whirling on me, jade eyes blazing. I took a step back, taken by surprise. The redhead advanced on me, wrath emanating from him in a sickening wave, his eyes burning nearly red. That was the first time I had ever seen him so pissed off. I'd had no idea that he _could _get that angry. And his bruised jaw just made him look all the more terrifying.

"I wasn't spying," I managed to retort, though I heard my voice tremble a little bit. "But your loud mouth is a little hard to miss," I added savagely. Two green narrowed in my direction. Axel started forward, but Xion pushed her way between us, her expression hard.

"If you two are going to fight, you have to go through me," she said firmly. To my surprise, Axel instantly backed off. Stunned, I watched him duck his head, turn, and vanish into the crowd.

"...How did you do that?" I asked her.

Xion put her hands on her hips. "Why are you always so hard on him?" she asked, ignoring my question.

"I asked you a question," I growled. Two cobalt eyes narrowed at me dangerously. I flinched under her gaze.

"Answer mine first," she snapped. I sighed, frustrated. Like I said before, little sisters _always _know how to get to you. Xion obviously knew that I hated it when she glared at me like that. She was going to exploit my weakness. Of course.

"He's a bad influence on you," I snapped, hands clenching. "Look at his record! Look at the stuff that he does! How can you even stand to be around him knowing that?"

My sister scowled. "You really don't get it, do you Riku?" she snarled. "He _needs _me. Roxas too. We're the only friends he has. I don't _care _what he does, because the _fact is, _we're all that he's got. I'm not just going to ditch my already _extremely insecure _friend just because you don't like him!" Spinning on her heel, she started to storm off, but first, she paused. Glancing back, she added, "And you want to know how I got Axel to back off?" I stared at her blankly, which she took as an invitation to continue. "Because I know that he'd never intentionally hurt me." And on that note, she left.

XXX

That evening, we had another dress rehearsal. I was a little surprised to see Axel there, considering what I had just learned, but I soon discovered why he arrived – to make it look like what had happened wasn't his father's doing. He was acting as if he'd just gotten the bruise in a fight at school, or something. He was even cracking jokes about it, seeming perfectly at ease, perfectly calm. Were it not for the worried glances that Xion kept giving him when he wasn't looking, I'd have almost believed it. Even Roxas seemed fooled by the facade. As for everyone else... one hundred percent oblivious... of course, this was no news from Sora, Demyx and Ventus.

After several quick announcements about upcoming Youth Group activities, Aqua sent us off to get into our costumes and choose our places. I made a beeline for the costume closet, already dreading whatever Vanitas had decided on for my outfit. That boy had a sick and twisted sense of humor...

I reached the closet and pushed open the door, scanning the rows of robes and other garb in search of my quarry. Since nothing stuck out, I had to get in close to see them (and got a bunch of dust bunnies shoved up my nose in the process). Flipping through garment after garment, I read the name tags attached to each. _Kairi... Roxas... Zexion... Naminé... Riku! _I pulled the last one out. It was just a typical Mary costume, surprisingly. The party dress must have been the last straw for Aqua, then, and she made Vanitas choose something normal.

Thank goodness. I'd have to thank her later.

"Puh-leese, do you think I'm stupid?" I jumped at the sound of Vanitas' voice nearby. Instinctively (why do I always end up doing stuff like this? It was becoming a habit), I pulled back and hid among the other costumes, my own dropping to the floor. Axel's voice sounded next, annoyance bordering on anger.

"Yeah, actually I do. Now get out of my way!"

"How rude!" Vanitas chastised, making a _tsk, tsk _sound. "I'm insulted!" He cackled, making me cringe. _If Axel's a punk, _I thought sourly, _then Vanitas is a freaking terrorist. _"But seriously," he added, sounding cruelly amused, "You'd have more scrapes if you got into a fight. Did your daddy do that?" he taunted. Axel didn't respond. "Aww, poor ibble Axel got a boo-boo from da-da!" Vanitas crowed wickedly. "I'll bet you that hoe thinks that you're pretty pathetic, doesn't she?"

My blood began to boil. He'd meant Xion. He had called my sister a slut.

_No one _talked about Xi that way. Not on my watch.

Snatching the first article of clothing I could find – the swaddling clothes/baby blanket/occasional snot rag (long story) – I crept out of my hiding place and stuck my head around next rack. He was right in front of me, his back to me. Axel, who was facing me, instantly was aware of my presence. Noticing the murderous glare that I was directing at Vanitas, he took a few cautious steps back. The other boy tensed.

Tackling Vanitas to the ground, I stuffed the swaddling clothes in his face. He screamed at thrashed, trying to push me off, but I had a strong grip. I get right up in his face, showing him simply by my expression the strength of my wrath. "Nobody talks about my little sister that way!" I bellowed. The boy sniveled and tried to wriggle free, but I wasn't done with him yet. "Understand?!"

"Lemme go!" he shrieked.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

"Riku, get off of him!" I froze. Aqua and Terra were standing in the doorway, both rigid with fury. Taking advantage of the distraction, Vanitas kneed me in the stomach, effectively throwing me back on my butt and permitting his escape. The swaddling clothes were still wrapped around his head, and try as he might, he couldn't get them off. It would have been hilarious if I didn't know that I was about to get whipped by a couple of seniors. Sighing, Terra stepped in to help him. Aqua, meanwhile, rounded on me. "We're not supposed to act like this," she hissed. "And to attack someone inside the church... what is _wrong _with you?!"

"It wasn't his fault!" Axel broke in. Shocked, I turned to stare at him. Had Axel, my nemesis, Mr. Punk, Mr. Arsony, seriously just stuck his neck out for me? Aqua, too, seemed surprised. "Vanitas said something really nasty about Xion," Axel continued, face earnest. "Riku was just standing up for her, and it got a little... out of hand."

There was a pause as she considered his words. Then she turned to the boy in question. "Vanitas," she said seriously. "Is that true?"

"He tried to strangle me!" the boy protested.

"Yes, I know," Aqua said sharply. "And by no means will Riku escape punishment. But that's not what I'm asking you right now." She towered over him. "Did you, or did you not, say something about Xion?"

Vanitas glowered. "And what if I did?" he snapped.

"What did you call her?" Terra asked, his voice dangerously calm – like, seriously, the I-will-kill-you-if-you-try-to-lie-to-me-so-don't-even-think-of-trying sort of calm. Vanitas didn't reply. I figured right then that I should take up the slack. Then, at least, he'd pay for what he said about my sister. I stood stiffly, glaring daggers at him.

"He called her a hoe," I said. Axel murmured agreement. Neither of the older kids replied for a moment. Then;

"Vanitas, Riku, I'm calling your parents. They can punish you accordingly, I think. And Axel –." Aqua looked at the redhead pointedly. "If you had anything to do with this, then I _will _find out." She then glanced at me, as if asking if he'd helped either party in the attack. I hesitated.

With one word, I could get revenge on Axel for everything. I could drag him down with me. But what would that accomplish? Worse, what would his dad do to him if he found out about this? Knowing what I knew... I couldn't do that to him. I didn't like him, but let's face it, no one deserved that. Besides... he helped me.

"He didn't have anything to do with it," I blurted out. "It was just between me and Vanitas." Aqua paused, considering, then nodded – though she didn't look entirely convinced. Axel flashed me a grateful look once she'd turned her back. _You're welcome, _I mouthed back. He grinned.

What a weird day.

"Vanitas, Riku, come with us," Terra said shortly. I stared down at me feet and started to follow, but a hand on my shoulder stopped me. Glancing back, I saw Axel looking at me, his expression unreadable.

"What about _Go Light Your World_?" he asked. I blinked. Rolling his eyes, he explained, "The song, idiot. Geez. Are you always this dense?" I scowled while he smirked at me. His smile quickly faded, though. "My mom used to sing that song every Christmas at dinnertime. We always used to eat by candlelight." He sounded wistful, as if remembering another, better, life. "Lea used to beg her to sing it over and over again, 'til her throat got sore." He laughed sadly, and I realized that he wasn't actually addressing me anymore. He was too busy lost in the recollection. Made sense. He never talked about his mom, _or _his brother, not since the car wreck three years ago.

Not since they'd died.

Still, it was the first sensible song request that he'd made so far. Not exactly what I'd had in mind, but we _were _running out of time. And it was a good song, I will admit. Why not? "That'll work." I confirmed.

"Riku, come on," Terra snapped. Ducking my head, I turned and followed him out. This time, no one held me back.

And despite the impending chewing-out that my mother was bound to give me when she arrived, I felt better then I had all month.

**Sooo... that was a little more serious than I intended it to be. I was hoping that I could do just **_**one **_**100% angst-free story. But no. Of course not. **

**I hope this isn't too disappointing. It was supposed to be funnier than it turned out. Hope you like it anyway.**

**Review!**


End file.
